I watched most of the Congressional hearings today, which mainly involved two men, Brian McNamee and Roger Clemens. McNamme was one of the main sources for the Mitchell Report, the document/study conducted into the use and prevalence of steroids and other performance-enhancing substances, such as Human Growth Hormone (HGH). The reason for the hearing today, as I watched it, came down to Clemens contesting the part of the Mitchell Report that indicated he had used steroids and HGH a few years ago. Clemens has vehemently denied doing so and has stuck unwaveringly to his claim that he is innocent of any charges of this nature.
There are a lot of details that I'd rather not write about concerning what led to the hearings today and what actually transpired, but there was something about the proceedings that kept me locked in and I think I'm still trying to figure out what exactly it was. I'm a baseball fan. I'll watch the Braves live or on TV (yes, I can watch baseball on TV). I'll gladly watch any team live and in person -- any excuse to get to a stadium. My love for baseball emerges from my Dad's love of it; it's always been his favorite sport to follow and watch, which made it quite easy for me to get hooked as well. With all that's happened in the past 15 or so years, from the strike of '04 to the home run chase of '98 to the steroids rumors, truths, allegations of this decade, baseball's taken quite a hit in its reputation and integrity. And yet, I'm still a fan of the sport, even if it may be tainted.
I can't tell you if Clemens is innocent or guilty of McNamee's allegations or not. It's difficult to fully believe McNamee, who's not been fully honest with prosecutors and investigators in this process. He didn't share the full extent of his knowledge in his first or second meetings with federal officials, revealing a little more each time he was talked to; and it wasn't until recently that he produced what is supposed to be evidence confirming his claims: gauze and syringes with Clemens' blood on them from injections. It's been an awful demonstration of he said, he said throughout this whole ordeal, culminating with the same repetition before Congress today.
Clemens, under oath, denied ever using steroids or HGH. McNamee, under oath, stated he injected Clemens with both substances several times. Who's lying?
What an awful question to have to answer, but here's what I think. As the questions played out, as the congressmen and -women asked their questions or gave their opinions on the matters (including their regards or lack thereof for either man), as the public watched, I thought McNamee emerged a more credible person than Clemens for a couple of reasons. First, his testimony to the Mitchell Report has been corroborated by the two other men he mentioned giving these substances to -- Chuck Knoblauch and Andy Pettite. Pettite, a good friend of Clemens', is on record stating that Clemens told him he'd used HGH, something Clemens said his friend must have misremembered or misheard.
But it's the second reason that really gets me and is why I think I was so enamored with today's proceedings. McNamee admitted today to his misstatements and offered as somewhat reasonable explanation: he turned over a little bit at a time, hoping he wouldn't have to give it all. One of the Congressmen said this sounded like a typical occurrence from his work with narcotics -- that this isn't out of the ordinary when someone gets questioned about stuff like this. McNamee withstood a barrage of attacks as well, being called a liar repeatedly and also referred vehemently by one member as a drug dealer. Though he disagreed with the drug dealer label, he willingly took what was said about him and seemed contrite about previous lies. He didn't run from anything. He didn't try to weasel out of anything. (I'm not going to try to label what I thought of how Clemens came across, though it was much unlike McNamee.)
It was the way McNamee handled himself and absorbed the barbs and admitted to lying that made me connect with him. He seemed like a guy who had finally been revealed and realized the awful things said about him were closer to the truth than he wanted to believe. He didn't fully disclose everything when confronted, but the longer the investigation went on, the further the feds dug into him, the more he finally revealed -- and I believe finally told everything. I connected because it looked familiar.
No, I haven't had the experience of getting called in to discuss supplying drugs to anybody. But I've been called on the carpet many times by God, caught up in a web just as tight and filthy (if not more so) than the one McNamee has been in. And like McNamee, I don't always turn everything over to God when first asked; it's a slow process. I hold on to things I know aren't good for me, but that's the easily entangling aspect of sin; it's tough to fully be released, to choose to let go of it. And I slowly confess more and more, constantly hearing Satan berate me like one of the congressman did to McNamee in the hearings: you're a liar, you can't be trusted, all you do is lie. Or worse, Satan comes with, "You're no child of God. You don't have any hope with him. You're worthless, you're hopeless, you're an awful stain of creation."
But in the end, like the chairman of the committee did with McNamee after the proceedings, reassurance follows. In a somewhat surprising move, the chairman apologized to McNamee for some of the things said about him throughout the day. This is a guy who admitted to deliberate lies...and he received an apology?
What gave?
I think it was realization that McNamee wasn't there to promote himself or defend himself. He was simply speaking the truth (finally) as he'd been asked. In the same way, when we finally throw ourselves out of the equation, and show up with full honesty about who we are and what we've done, the Father shuts up the accusers, forgives the wrongs, and speaks words of healing to put us back on his path with his blessing. Too many times it takes too long to get rid of the junk that's infiltrated my life and my walk. But by the grace and mercy of God, he patiently scrubs it out and builds me up, whole and new.
I hope a contrite spirit continues to dwell within. I hope that spirit of humility reigns passionately within. And I hope those words of healing, comfort, and blessing find us each day.
