Closing off

I've joined them, them being the people who walk around campus with earbuds in their ears listening to music. When I arrived on campus last year, I noticed how it seemed almost every third person I passed had some type of earphones in; probably another third had a phone to their ear or were texting while they walked. I fought the earphones; I wanted to leave myself open to a random conversation or acknowledgement as I walked around. But one day last week, as I was leaving the house, I was in a poor mood and needed to listen to a little Hillsong United to shift my focus to something bigger than my bad mood. So now I often walk around with my iPod shuffle safely attached to the inside of my coat and listen to music, telling passers-by that though I may look at you and smile, that's all you're going to get. Maybe a nod, but not much else.

Can you read the following and not be excited and confident afterwards???

God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him. After God made that decision of what his children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun.

So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:

They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.
We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.

None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

--Romans 8:29-39, The Message

I love it. "And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen?" "Nothing can get in between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus has embraced us." Wow. It's a lot like Morpheus in The Matrix looking at Neo with arm outstretched and his hand beckoning him to bring it. Later in the movie, when Neo gets it, he does the same thing. When we find ourselves in God, realize that we're fully embraced by Jesus, we've got an unconquerable power at our disposal -- not for force or abuse or selfishness, but for glory and grace and courage. We say, "Bring it. And just see what my God will do."

Language

One of the unique uses of language is in naming things. Whether it's a newborn, a feeling, a circumstance, or a place, we have a need as humans to name things, to talk about them, to describe them, to make them seem more real by affixing some type of label to them. Some of us seem to own this need more than others; I think I fall into that category. For me, using language as a medium for what I think, what I do and don't understand, what I feel, what I question, and what I'm experiencing is often my greatest escape. Usually, this is facilitated through conversations with others, often the discussing the same thing with a variety of people.

There's an aspect to this that somehow makes the experience feel more real, seem less fearful, or make more sense by the mere naming of it. The temperature does not change based on our observations of it being cold or hot, yet we constantly comment on the weather, possibly for assurance or confirmation. There's seems to be a great need to let others know "It's cold" when they probably already know it; our stating of it does something for us, I guess.

Other situations, likewise, don't change much based on our language. "This sucks." "I'm happy." "I think you look nice." "I'm home." "That's weird." Expressing our thoughts reveal our emotions in some of these instances, but rarely do the words alter the situation itself, no matter how accurately we may gauge it.

One of the things I seem to be learning is that just because I can assess something and write about it accurately or insightfully or whatever, doesn't mean I should. Or should try. In some ways, I wonder if I at times attempt to use my words to skew a situation or circumstance; I wonder if I disguise mistrust by naming something one thing (x) so that it can't be another (y), when really it doesn't matter what I say or think it is (it may be neither x nor y). As much as I don't like labels for myself, I sure like to name circumstances or situations to somehow create a sense of understanding, safety, or peace, when really I should be more concerned with trusting what may not be nameable.

I do believe, said the father asking Jesus to heal his son. Help me overcome my unbelief, he finished.

A life of pleasing God

Some time several weeks ago I made some notes on a scratch sheet of paper about grace. Below a couple of lines about grace was a reference to 2 Peter 1:3-8 in The Message. I found that paper tonight as Pastor Bill offered a call to worship from that same passage. (I love reading passages in the NIV and then having the thoughts from it jump out in a whole new way when read through The Message.) As he was reading through what Peter calls us to add to faith, I noticed I'd written a few other words on that paper: spiritual understanding, passionate patience, reverent wonder, and generous love. And then I read verses 3-4 and felt like I'd never seen them before. Here's how it reads:

Everything that goes into a life of pleasing God has been miraculously given to us by getting to know, personally and intimately, the One who invited us to God.The best invitation we ever received! We were also given absolutely terrific promises to pass on to you—your tickets to participation in the life of God after you turned your back on a world corrupted by lust.

As I've been thinking about rest the past few days, as well as thinking about things I want to add or subtract to my life in this coming year, I was floored by the thought that everything I need has been given to me. Everything is at my disposal. The faith I sometimes doubt I'll have? It's there. The patience? Provided. The strength, courage, and passion? It's been given, abundantly at that. And why? Well, it's partly because of the wilderness.

We've started studying Joshua on Wednesday nights, so the wilderness years were discussed tonight at church. Bill went through several things that can and are learned from wilderness experiences. As I thought about the wilderness -- those places that seem like wastelands, dry and arid nothingness, places that scare us, places we try desperately to stay away from -- I thought about certain periods in my life that might be considered wildernesses of sorts. And as I did, I jumped back to 2 Peter and thought about how my faith was built up in such wondrous ways through those times, just as he described:

So don't lose a minute in building on what you've been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others.

Looking back, I can see why the ideas of spiritual understanding, passionate patience, reverent wonder, and generous love stood out -- those are things that began fitting and developing within me when I thought I was empty, broken, and lost. Though I felt famished and unsure, I kept believing that God was good, even when my standard for evidence of goodness was so warped that I didn't think there was much to his credit. I kept walking and trusting. I kept asking for help, albeit with a dry and parched voice and soul. I tried to believe and so many times asked for help in my unbelief.

I like to think I was similar to the patient in C.S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters, who kept showing up at church even when nothing in his life pointed to that act making sense or even when church and God weren't making sense; he kept showing up, expecting something. Or like Charlie Brown, I kept believing the football would be there for me to kick. I knew God wasn't like Lucy even if it sometimes felt like he was the one pulling the ball away. I knew that couldn't be the case. I knew he couldn't be the reason I seemed to always fall down.

Though I'm not sure why things are the way they are in a wilderness or even what the exact reasons were for me to feel like I was constantly on the ground, the time in the wilderness passed. And firm footing was found. Rest is being discovered. And this is where those words about grace on that piece of paper really stand out:

Trusting in grace does not negate trying to grow; grace inspires effort.

It's there at our fingertips. As we're transformed by God, we continue to step in faith, inspired by the grace so lavishly poured out upon us. And Peter sums it up so well:

So, friends, confirm God's invitation to you, his choice of you. Don't put it off; do it now. Do this, and you'll have your life on a firm footing, the streets paved and the way wide open into the eternal kingdom of our Master and Savior, Jesus Christ.

It's not by our effort, but we do respond to this invitation. We respond with the type of effort demonstrated by our Savior. He gave his all; and now, because of his grace, we pour out our lives, finding his rest, comforted by his love, transformed into his image, embracing all he offers to present a life pleasing to God.

Rest in You

Your faithfulness endures always
Where mountains fall and reason fails
And you calm the raging seas
And you calm the storms in me, again

All I know is I find rest in you
All I know is I find rest in you

My heart will praise throughout the night
Where singing seems a sacrifice
And you calm the raging seas
And you calm the storms in me, again

All I know is I find rest in you
All I know is I find rest in you

Your grace is all I need
Your grace is all I need

-- Hillsong United

This song opened worship this past Sunday morning and it blew me away. It was a combination of several elements. Being back at Capstone after being gone for almost a month was pretty exciting. The two ladies singing lead on it harmonize so well and have such incredible voices that I was taken aback initially by them. The band is also so talented and they added another element (our keyboard player played at the White House for a presidential party right before Christmas -- he's kind of good like that). These lyrics, though, simple as they are, really spoke to me more than any of that.

Part of it is probably the beginning of a new year and a new semester and desiring rest in the midst of busyness and the expectation of constant productivity. Another component is that wonderful thought of mountains falling and reason failing -- and God's faithfulness enduring. Hmm, I almost wrote that learning to rest is a tough task. A task? Really? Making work of rest? What is it with our language or ourselves that we somehow make resting another chore or some item on a to do list? Or guilt ourselves away from it because it doesn't "do anything." Or even guilt ourselves into, only to never fully rest because our minds race with all the other things that we could accomplish with the time.

That song let me breathe. It brought refreshment; it reminded me that all I really know is Jesus. He's the only sure thing I've got going. Screw death and taxes -- they too shall pass. And it's a relief, especially as this season of my life is being spent in academia; I don't have to worry with knowing a lot. Sure, there are things I need to study and learn associated with school, but even in that it's all about him. Finding rest in Christ allows everything else to find its proper and fitting place. Everything.

What we perceive as mountains falling, reason failing, and storms and seas raging are nothing that can't be calmed and assuaged by the Creator. So I want to learn more about resting and tasting the peace so generously offered to us. Some call it practicing the presence of God; some call it quiet time or solitude; others may call it alone time; I'm pretty sure it doesn't matter how it's labeled. I think what matters is our pursuit of him and the transformation that continues as we rest in the arms of love.

First day of teaching

Due to possible inclement weather, including the chance of tornadoes, my class this afternoon was canceled. At least I hope so since I'm not there. I was able to teach my first class this morning, which was a lot of fun. I've got students from Saudi Arabia, South Korea, Romania, China, Brazil, and Turkey. I think they're going to be a lot of fun to teach; I hope that even though we're studying writing, which isn't always the most well-liked or loved subject, we'll be able to enjoy ourselves while learning about writing arguments and research papers. I didn't really do much teaching today; I spent time introducing myself as well as how I hope they'll perceive and experience the class, which compared to skydiving (of course). I'm not sure the extent to which I was understood; their faces seemed to reflect interest and comprehension, but I may have been talking too fast and quickly (which I do when I'm excited or nervous), so the smiling nods I received may have been politeness instead of understanding. I guess I'll find out Tuesday if what I said was understood since there is an assignment due. (Yes, I gave homework on the first day of class -- but at least I didn't require them to come to class having read a book already, which one of my classmates experienced yesterday.) All in all, it was a good first day of teaching and even better since I didn't have to go to class.