Seven things

Here is my 7 things list; the items are not in any particular order. Thanks to TMK requesting this of me...

7 things I would like to do before I die:

write a book
get married and have kids
visit the continents I've not been to (Europe, Asia, Africa, Antarctica)
direct a major motion picture
study at Fuller Theological Seminary
take an Alaskan cruise
establish a university which uses traveling the country and world with my family and me for one or two years at a time as its method of teaching

7 things I can do:

listen
love
chew on a straw for great lengths of time
write
dream
believe that Jesus is the coolest, smartest, greatest person who's ever lived
jump on one foot with my eyes closed and sing

7 things I can't do:

fly without assistance from a plane or sling-shot
play guitar
go to the grocery store consistently
figure out what God's doing with my heart right now
dance well (free-style or couple-type like two-step, ballroom, salsa, etc.)
surf
find Eve

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex:

authenticity
ability to laugh at herself
eyes
smile
not being interested in me
wit and humor
care for family, especially siblings

7 things I say most often:

Umm
Dang
That's incredible
Could everyone be quiet? It's time to start class.
Hey (in the style of Harry Carey as done by Will Ferrel)
Fart
Awesome

7 celebrity crushes:

Jennifer Garner
Jennifer Aniston
Meg Ryan
Amanda Peet
Paz Vega
Reece Witherspoon
Rachel McAdams

Coexisting

My heart battles between hope and fear. I know I want to hold on to hope; it's easier, though, to give in to fear. Hope, while offering promise, involves great risk. Fear, gripping and strangling as it is, begs me to think, "If you're going to be defeated anyway, you might as well get used to it by staying near me." Sometimes I wonder if it is worth hoping at all. I know it is; but I believe the question must be asked anyway -- seeking an answer forces me to continue to attempt hope.

Mixed in with this battle is the concept of the desires of our hearts. Does God place desires within? Do desires arise from within to be turned over to him? Is it both? What's the percentage? How does it work? Which are true like him? How is that determined?

It's like the mysterious language of waves I wrote about a week or so ago. There is definitely something beautiful and tragic, many times coexisting, in the desires of our hearts, in the battle between hope and fear. Beauty emerges from tragic circumstances; hope appears in the midst of darkness. With each beat of our hearts, a wave of energy and life flows through our veins; beauty and tragedy are carried along the same pathway. We breathe and sigh. We cry and laugh. We pray and wrestle, within and without. Our circumstances ebb and flow, come and go, rise and fall. And sometimes I wonder if God's love is the same way, if he's like everything else I experience in life.

But he's not. He's nowhere near that. He may change his method or form, speaking through waves of ocean or waves of blood, but his love does not cease. It does not stop. Even though rejected, he continues to pursue. Even though laughed at and ignored, he continues to pursue. Even though (fill in your own blank), he continues to pursue. And he invites us to tag along with him, like a little boy or girl tagging along with a parent on a special task. "Tagging along" is tame; those times are more like firm attachment. A little boy tags along with dad going to fix things around the house with his own mini tool kit, just like dad's. He replicates each swing of the hammer, each turn of the screw, each pencil mark of a measurement. He positions the squinting of one eye while looking down a straight edge, just like dad. He may even mumble under his breath, tryinig to imitate dad's streams of thought he doesn't realize he's verbalizing. Our God wants us to follow him like that. Unwavering faith and awe. Complete dependency. Longing for the chance to help with a special task of making things right again. Re-creating. Joining him in re-creation. Following.

(shortly) Boston bound

I'm getting more and more excited about my trip to Boston in a few days. The past couple of nights my friends and I have gotten together and planned out a tentative itenerary. I don't think any of us have been before, so everything we do will be new. Seeing Luke is going to be great; at this point, I'm guessing that watching a game with him at Fenway will be the highlight. Not to put any pressure, but watching baseball at a major league ballpark is something we both cherish, especially with each other and our family. I'm glad my friends and I will be able to be a blessing of familiar faces for him, too.

My sister Bethany will be playing a couple of soccer games in Indiana this weekend (she walked on the Lipscomb team and is now the starting goalie), so Mom and Dad are going to drive up to watch. Not only that, they may go on to Detroit or Chicago to take in a baseball game Saturday. They'd looked at going to Cincinatti, but the Reds will be in Atlanta playing the Braves, of all things. I'm not sure how much farther Detroit is from Indianapolis, but that's their plan right now. I'm not sure if Anna is going to go with them or not, but I found it humorous that none of us may be at home, rather, scattered throughout the country watching baseball games.

I woke up this morning feeling better than I had in several days.

Trek pictures

This was a stretch of our hike from low camp to high camp

Anna and me on the top of Mt. Tabeguache (Ta-ba-wash), 14,155 ft

The face of the rock we rappelled (170+ ft)

Sunrise near summit

Earthen vessels

I'm hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; greatly perplexed and uncertain, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, rejected, and discouraged, but not destroyed. Carrying around in my body the death of Jesus allows that his very life may also be revealed through mine. Because I am alive with him, I am constantly being given over to death for the Master's sake, so that his life may be revealed in this mortal body of mine. So then death is at work in me, and life is at work in her.

Therefore, I can't and don't lose heart. Though outwardly I feel the pains of disappointment and heart-ache -- it feels like I'm wasting away -- inwardly, by the great mystery of the work of the Holy Spirit, hope is battling away fear, strength from above is outweighing hopelessness, peace is soothing discouragement, and I'm being renewed hour by hour. For my light and momentary troubles, doubts, fears, and worries are achieving for me an eternal glory that outweighs any of the greatest scenarios my mind could possibly fathom. So my eyes become fixed not on what it seen, however captivating, beautiful, and alluring she may be; rather, my eyes calmly close to focus on the unseen. For what is seen, though it may point to the realm of the glory of the eternal, is not eternity itself. By faith I walk and by grace I arrive to the heart and the presence of the unseen-for-now eternal, the great Creator who passionately pursues his creation.

Claims

I talked with my mom this morning on my way to work, which I try to do at least once a week. Sometimes it works out to three; other times we talk in the evenings. I've found that we can usually catch up and stay informed and even talk about a issues/happenings/problems/challenges during my drive from my house to the church building. Often times, I'll sit in the parking lot finishing the conversation, like this morning. And it was one of the things she mentioned that I wanted to draw out here.

She was telling me about a class she's preparing to teach at church. (She usually teaches a ladies' class a couple of quarters a year.) This study is focusing on Joshua and Judges. One of the interesting things she's come across is how we've missed the mark a bit with Jordan/Canaan language and ideas, notably in songs which have bled into our thinking. Canaan has often been idealized and compared with heaven and the Jordan associated with death or dying and the line we cross to enter. Looking into the text, though, a more accurate comparison and analogy may be Jordan as our baptism and Canaan as our walk with Jesus.

We emerge from the waters as new people, holy and pure in the sight of God, lambs without blemish. God parts the waters of sin, cleansing us with his holiness to enter into a new relationship with him. It's a relationship of love, of trust, of complete dependency on his strength and grace. We no longer live for ourselves, but for his glory. We are no longer slaves of Egypt, but heirs and conquerors and princes and princesses of a new kingdom.

But this new kingdom is not one without obstacles, enemies, dangers, fears, or doubts; actually, they exist all around. And they need to be erased because our King is making things brand new. A new rule has come; a new authority exists; a gracious Savior now reigns. Our enemies are not flesh and blood, but powers of darkness. We must lay claim to our new territory, our given land. We must fight. We must live passionately. We must attack with prayer, patience, mercy and love. We must fight doubt with hope, fear with confidence, suffering with joy, injustice with abundant generosity. Our walks are filled with battles, battles for our hearts and minds. Will we live as we did in Egypt, bound to another's agenda, without freedom, away from our God? Or will we trust him when he tells us to march around our Jerichos? Will we cry for the sun to stay still so we can defeat our enemies? Will we teach our children the great stories they have been born into, about the faithfulness of our God? Will we claim our hills, our homes, our hearts -- even if we're 80-year old Calebs?

Our paths are lined with mines laid forth by an enemy seeking to kill, steal, and destroy. Some can be seen and avoided; some are practically invisible. Though battles lie ahead in Canaan, the promise of milk and honey still remains. Though defeats, hurts, pain, and sadness appear, we fight on knowing we are helping to prepare the land for a time tears shall be no more. Canaan is not easy.

But it does hold innumerable promises. Of hope. Of peace. Of rest. Of fulfillment.

So we fight. We love. We dare. We jump and fall and jump again. We live with confidence that his work in and through us is real, however unseen we may feel. We trust his strength instead of our fear. We claim his reign in our hearts and offer his love to a world looking for meaning.

We get messy. We get dirty. We get vulnerable. That's what happens when we love.

A couple of more pictures

A week at the beach

I need to begin by saying a BIG Thank You to the Applewhites for allowing me use of their condo this past week in Port Aransas. What a blessing you were to me; thanks so much! And not only me, but my friends as well. We had a great time together last weekend; it was such a great way for me to start my time in Port A.

Sometime a couple of months ago when I came up with the idea to spend my summer-recovery time at the beach by myself (for the most part), I had grand intentions of returning to San Antonio after that time with at least a good start on a best-selling book of some sort. As the time drew closer, my intentions and perspective about this past week definitely changed. An attempt became the phrase I would use, as far as writing something. Fortunately for me, I had shed all expectations of an output like that and was able to relax, refresh, and rest -- and do a little writing.

Turns out I needed the rest most of all. After a summer spent at camps, on buses, on mountains and draining days, a week of no resposibility was perfect. A few friends joined me Saturday morning and stayed until Sunday night. I'd gotten up right before sunrise Saturday and didn't get much sleep that night, which was followed up by a fun-fiiled Sunday, putting me to bed at 9:00 pm that evening and I didn't wake up until 10:00 am that Monday. I realized then how worn-out I was not only from the weekend, but from the summer. I can't remember the last time I'd slept that long -- and I'm a youth minister. I guess I like to think that I can keep crazy hours for months on end and not be affected, but I need rest too. I watched a lot of movies I'd taken with me, did a little reading, and spent most of the evenings walking on the beach under the bright full moon. I sang a lot during those walks and did a lot of listening.

I wish I could understand the language of waves. It seems like they've got such tragic and romantic stories in their music. It's obvious how captivating that music and language is by the audience the shores across the world constantly draw. I'm pretty sure God speaks their language and I wondered if he was telling me anything through them, using wind and waves to communicate. I like to think he was, though what I heard is mere speculation. But it's fun to dream and imagine, to think of the ocean having a secret language no one understands, to believe that there's a special clue or insight for us in the breaking of a wave. And to know the Creator who made it all, in its greatest complexity and simplicity, was the only being in the universe who knew my exact location during those evenings.

I'm sure I'll be referring back to this week often in the next few posts. And now that I've got my own computer and have figured out how to post pictures, I'll try to do that on a consistent basis. I may go back and post a few from my summer trips. And there will definitely be some from the upcoming Boston trip.

I'll close with a quote from Braveheart, which I watched for the first time in a while this past week. It's by Robert the Bruce, speaking with his father about William Wallace fighting for something that he (Robert) had never had -- freedom and the hope of it.

Robert: "And I took it from him when I betrayed him and I saw it in his face on the battefield -- and it's tearing me apart!"
The Father: "All men betray, all men lose heart..."
Robert: "I DON'T WANT TO LOSE HEART! I want to believe..."

Me, too. Me, too.

Yeah, I went with the laptop

I told the guy at CompUSA when I left the store at the end of my lunch break that I'd probably be back Friday to pick one up. I barely waited three hours. So, as of yesterday evening, I still have my Sprint phone and service, but a new PowerBook in my possession. Now I get to learn all the fun Mac stuff that I'm unfamiliar with, but that's just another great adventure.

Quick story that made me laugh from my brother's blog:
Luke's girlfriend, Laura (who he started "dating" right before he left on his trip around the country -- and I put dating in quotes because I don't know how they can actually be dating when he's far away, but regardless they do consider each other boyfriend/girlfriend), met him in New York earlier this week. He text-messaged me after lunch on Wednesday and told me they'd just finished lunch at Serendipity and were going to see Fiddler on the Roof on Broadway. I'm really excited for him to get to spend this time with her; even though I've not met her, she sounds great. Anyway, the thing that made me laugh was him writing about their "normal" relationship: their first date was in Huntsville, Alabama (an hour away from Florence); their second date was in Auburn, Alabama; their third date was to a Braves game in Atlanta; and their fourth date was this past week in New York City! I guess it's pretty cool to have a brother who seems to be living in a movie...(love ya, bro)

I'm going to be gone to the beach for a week; I get to recover from all the summer activities -- praise God for great elders who let me take time like this. I'm hoping to do some type of writing; not sure the subject or type, but I'd appreciate your prayers. I'm taking a bunch of my favorite books from the past four or five years, but not sure what direction this will take. Anyway, I'm really looking forward to it and going through this attempt at putting something together.

Gadget shopping

Every now and then, I'll get an idea stuck in my head about something I badly want, and may or may not necessarily need, but - oh - the reasons I can come up with to justify its purchase. The more difficult time than that is when there are justifable, real reasons for making such a purchase. At the present time, I considering buying a laptop and a new cell phone. The computer has been on my mind for the past year and a half; the phone is more recent, probably the past three or four months. The laptop definitely has more justified reasons for purchase, though it's the more expensive (of course). With the phone, I'm falling prey to newer, slicker, slimmer, faster, sharper, sexier (if phones can be such), and cooler -- for the most part, my phone is great, but there's one on the market (Moto Razr) that's sooo much cooler...ughh. I remember seeing the ads last Christmas for the Razr and being hooked by their pitch -- it is slimmer!

What makes the temptation for the phone greater right now is that it is being sold at Best Buy for 1/5 its original asking price! The main drawback is I would have to cancel my Sprint contract, costing me $150 and sign-on with Cingular. I've been looking to change plans anyway because of some trouble I've had with reception -- and I can't figure out if it's my phone or service or some combination of both. Luckily, I guess, my plan runs through January, so I have to wait around until then to do anything because no phone or plan that I've been presented with is worth switching to and paying that cancelation fee. Ah, patience.

The laptop, on the other hand, does not completely emerge from the desire to have a sleaker accessory. I don't have one to begin with, so anything will be an upgrade. I've pretty much settled on getting an Apple iBook or PowerBook, though the better money would be spent on a desktop. But you're always going to pay a little more for portability. CompUSA has a sweet little deal going through Saturday (2 days from now!) that allows you to purchase a computer with no interest for 24 months. Wow. Seeing that I'm headed out of town tomorrow, I've got some thinking to do...and possibly some money to spend.

This whole laptop-thing really burst onto my scene when my roommate Will got engaged. You'll recall, another roommate of mine was prompted to buy a huge TV since we were using Will's in the living room. Well, Chad and I used Will's laptop pretty regularly as our home computer (well, until his fiance stole it from us...but I guess she's got something over us with him). So Chad and I have been left high and dry (not really, that's just me being dramatic) and I specifically have been pushed to shopping for a replacement. For some reason, I've been on the brink of excessive spending mode, which may send me back to CompUSA in a couple of hours.

As far as the justifiable reasons for purchasing a laptop go, there are several. One, the things I could do with video-editing for the youth group are countless; that alone justifies it in my mind. Two, it's a good deal to be able to make payments on it for 24 months without interest. Three, this is the laptop I've been considering for almost two years -- I couldn't do too much more research or get anymore opinions. Four, I ordered a camcorder for the youth ministry yesterday and need to get something to do editing with.

I guess these types of gadgets could be considered a type of kryptonite for me. I guess it could be worse.

A story about a heart

Hey, I'm back! With summer activities officially over as of last night, I hope to get back to a regular schedule of posting thoughts and happenings. This past summer with the youth group was very exciting and good for my teens. Our school year activities finished stronger than they had previously in my time here, which had a great carry-over to our summer, which in turn I pray will overflow to our school year activities as well. It was a blessing to have Travis and Anna (one of my sisters) working as interns the past several weeks; it's also been a blessing to have a ministry assistant (Karessa), who I'm considering more and more -- whether the job description says it or not -- as the female youth minister, removing the maverick identity I sometimes feel is placed on me, by myself or others. It was so much fun for the four of us to work closely together this summer. God's incredible.

Trek was outstanding. We arrived back in San Antonio Friday night, with our Interns' Going-Away Party Sunday, meaning we had to put the final touches on our slide show. Also, my parents arrived Saturday afternoon so they could help Anna drive back after the party, but not before we got to spend some time together. It was the first time in a couple of years that both Mom and Dad were able to be out here at the same time. It was so great to see them again; it was also encouraging for me, as I'm sure it was for them, to hear from so many how great a job they'd done with their kids. (Copeland Family secret: There are really ten of us, but Luke, Anna, Bethany and I are the only ones allowed out in public because of our good behavior. You should see the job Mom and Dad did with the other six...hahaha.)

I gathered so many lessons from my experience hiking last week, too many to put into one post. I brought back five rocks with me: one for Wayne, whose schedule did not allow him time off this year, which was very disappointing for all of us; one symbolizing a heart of flesh given to me in exchange for my heart of stone; and one each for trust, confidence, and hope, respectively. Several lessons in joy and smiles were granted to me. Renewed love for my teens and my relationships with them occurred as well. Praise to God for no problems with my ankle in any sort of way. There's something about putting on a pack of somewhat significant weight that inspires and ignites me to want to hike all day, which we did last Wednesday. Part of it may have been the type of pack I was assigned, but most of it I believe was God working through the weakness of my ankle and humbling of my heart that I knew I was being taken care of by a power beyond my own. That ministry, those mountains and scenery are a haven of blessing for me from God.

We're always asked to think of something we need to release or take away from our Trek experience and project that item onto a rock, to be carried up to or down from the summit. I decided a couple of days into our trip what my rock was going to be: my desires, represented by a rock resembling a heart if I could find it. I've wrestled for the past year or so with the thoughts of whether my desires are from God, me, or Satan. I've battled internally whether or not my heart is good, whether it can be trusted or not. Around this time last year, I got really hurt and blamed my heart for that pain: I wasn't careful enough, I was too honest, I was open, I wasn't wise, I didn't do things right. In the past couple of months, I've been enlightened in several ways that what I do or don't do doesn't change the love Jesus shows towards me. My Father continues to love. As Brennan Manning says in The Ragamuffin Gospel, the only person who expects me to fail more than I do is Jesus -- that's where he shines and he knows the difficulties and burdens we each carry. Regardless of our failures, his love is constant and unchanging.

With that in mind, I still want so badly for my desires to emerge from his heart. For so long now, I've tried to emulate King David, in that I want to be known as a man after God's own heart. And though there are some specific reasons and desires I had in mind with that rock, I wanted it to represent my handing over to God my heart for him to do with as he pleases. I found one during Solo Time; it was a little smaller than my fist, roughly resembling a heart. I hiked it up to summit and left it at 14,155 feet. I picked up four rocks to take down with me (the one for Wayne and three for trust, confidence, and hope). Near the end of our hike down from summit, I stopped to take some pictures of some wildflowers that caught my eye, though I had almost passed up the opportunity. Somewhat reluctantly, I took off my day pack and got my camera, thankful with each passing second I decided to take those pictures. As I placed my camera back in my bag, I noticed a rock lying beside it.

Hmm. Looks interesting, I thought. I picked up the red-tinted stone because it so closely resembled the shape of a heart, much more so than the rock I'd left on summit a few hours before. Actually, I looked as if the rock I'd left had been chiseled and cut and dyed a light shade of red. The stone I left on the mountain was gray and dirty from being partially buried; this one looked as if it had been stained. Being the metaphorical person I am, I began imagining what this meant as I put my pack back on my back and caught up with the rest of the party.

In retrieving that rock, my heart has been returned to me. I left my heart and its desires as a sacrifice to God; I want for my heart what he wants. I want my desires to flow from him. I want the longings of my heart to overflow from his heart. Finding that rock symbolized to me these words:

Here is your heart. Thank you for giving it up and placing it at my throne. I appreciate your spirit and I love you very much...but I can't hold on to this because you need it, so here it is.

I trust you with your heart. What you feel, what you think, what you long for are things I've placed within you to give you abundant life. Yes, you must continue to step out in faith amidst the danger and possibility of disappointment, heart-break, heart-ache, defeat and attacks, but please trust in me more than those storms.

Again, Adam, I trust you. I believe in you, which is why I want you to believe in you, too. You were created for this: to love, to dream, to inspire, to live passionately, to be in relationship with me and with my creation. I look at you the same way your Mom and Dad do -- with love and pride because you are my beloved son, just like your brother, Jesus. Don't treat my belief in you carelessly; because I love, you can live in confidence, come what may.

So on my desk in my room sits a heart-shaped rock, crying out to me the love and passion of a pursuing God, willing to use inanimate objects of his creation to grasp the heart of his beloved.