A great epiphany

I've been dealing the past few weeks with a depression of sorts. Before I go any further, let it be known that this is not in any way close to clinical depression. Majoring in psychology taught me just how much must be evaluated and be going on (from circumstances to time) for that assessment to truly be made. This depression of sorts, as I'm going to label it, has emerged from too much reading and learning. I've been exposed in the past couple of months to some outstanding literature and speakers regarding the church in emerging culture, as well as an inside look at today's teenagers. I've heard and read some of the challenges, some possible solutions, hurdles, obstacles, and visions for what could happen. It's been very overwhelming, but I wasn't able to verbalize it properly until this evening.

During class tonight (They Smell Like Sheep, a shepherding study by Lynn Anderson, that the Northside elders and ministers are going through) we reflected our joys and/or burnout with our ministeries. I've been feeling very burned-out in my ministry and realized from the discussion why: I've been dealing with the fact that I cannot save the world, and I can't even save the people to whom I minister! Now, in my mind, I've known that all along. But in dealing with the information saturation from the previous weeks, that message wasn't reaching my heart. So when we prayed in our small groups this evening, I felt so much relief to share what I'd realized and to ask for prayers for that burnout to wane & be refreshed by His Spirit, knowing that even though I do have a resposibility to channel what I do know into action, I'm not responsible for a revolution. If I try to start one, it's probably not going to work. If I allow the Spirit to work through me in my time and place, His will will be done and carry on the march of salvation to the ends of the earth.

I'd grown despondent about where we are in the church, and still feel a bit that way, but I was granted clarity tonight about my role: I'm not the savior and it's not up to me. I do have tasks to be completed, specifically designed with my talents and abilities in mind, and I'm going focus on those. I'm not the savior and shouldn't carry the burden of trying to be so. Wow, I love it when things you've known all along in your head make their way to your heart and make sense. Usually when that happens, joy and peace follow -- and relief. Praise God!

Jars of Clay

For the past few days I've been listening to Jars of Clay's first album, the very first Christian CD I owned. It's brought back some great memories, yet I can still listen to it all the way through and again. I remember singing the chorus of "Love Song for a Savior": I want to fall in love with You, I want to fall in love with You. My favorite song on the CD is #9, "Worlds Apart." I think of Theatron when I hear "Like a Child"; I can still picture the BMG CD Club magazine cover featuring Jars of Clay and the review talking so highly about the CD, especially "Flood." Good times.

I love how music can evoke such rich memories and settings. Listening to Jars of Clay, I think about the beginning of God opening me up to a whole world of Christianity outside of Florence, Alabama, a world beyond the borders of religious groups and denominations. I remember this CD prompting thoughts of the "music issue" with which many churches of Christ are dealing -- and how for a while I quit listening to Christian music because I felt hypocritical listening to it on the way to church, but would "condemn" it while in church. Praise God for bringing me through that! The music of Caedmon's Call, FFH, Jars of Clay, dc Talk, Bebo Norman, and so many others have been a comfort sent from God in many difficult times I've faced.

It's cool to think about beginnings. That CD came out around the time I started driving and I remember getting so excited hearing "Flood" on a secular radio station. Or listening for "Love Song" on the Christian station. And now I've got a couple of teens in my youth group who are very talented musically and have a great appreciation for Jars. As they are writing songs, their parents have "asked" them to write a couple of Christian/praise songs as well as the other types of songs they write. What little influence I have, I hope it's encouraging and inspiring so that maybe one day their music will be tied to the beginning of a teenager's walk with Jesus.

A taste of culture

I've got the house to myself this weekend. Two of my roommates are on a retreat and the other one is playing at a Hoop It Up tournament in Austin. This comes at a great time for me, giving me a chance to relax and recover from the past week's activities. Our Family Retreat was this past weekend and then my trip to New York was Tuesday and Wednesday, so it's nice to be able to have things to myself for a couple of days.

Going to the Metropolitan Museum of Art inspired me a bit because I went to the McNay Art Museum yesterday for a couple of hours. The McNay was the first modern art museum in Texas and will celebrate its 50th anniversary in a week. To me, this was a great kept-secret of San Antonio and I'm very glad I noticed the billboard in the airport advertizing it as an attraction. The McNay owns several pieces of fine art, from Van Gogh to Picasso. I'm not an art buff by any means, but I enjoyed browsing through the galleries -- I felt cultured. And, I've got another spot to take out-of-town guests when visiting San Antonio.

A little trip to NYC

Wow...what a great excursion; here's a recap:

Tuesday, October 19
5:08 am (Central Time) My first alarm goes off and I wake up.
5:32 am After showering and getting ready, I call Dad; he's just arrived at the airport in Huntsville, AL, where he's flying out at 6:30.
6:32 am I board American Airlines flight 594 to DFW.
7:48 am Arrive at DFW and have a voice message on my phone. It's Mom; Dad was rerouted to Neward, NJ due to weather problems in Alabama, meaning he's scheduled to arrive at a different airport than me and about 2 hours earlier.
8:06 am Mom and I talk. She's got Dad's mobile phone (?), so Dad and I will be communicating through her until we meet up...should be interesting, I'm thinking. I tell her to tell Dad to meet me at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
8:45 am Depart DFW and fly to New York City.
1:03 pm (Eastern Time) Arrive at Laguardia International Airport.
1:30 pm Board a city bus to Manhattan.
1:48 pm I miss my stop, so I get off at the next one. Luckily it's only three blocks from the previous one. I get off the bus in Harlem and walk around a few blocks looking for the Subway entrance. Yes, I walked around Harlem for about 10 minutes; I didn't feel threatened at any point.
2:12 pm Exit Subway at 86th street and Lexington Ave. I walk down four blocks and over three to arrive at the Met. Dad is waiting outside for me. We make our way through the museum for the next two hours, then walk through Central Park for a while as well.
4:37 pm Eat at an authentic NY pizza shop.
5:06 pm Board subway to Yankee Stadium.
5:41 pm Tour Monument Park in Yankee Stadium (yes, we got there pretty early, but that's what baseball fans do).
6:32 pm We make our way to our seats in Tier 19, Row R, Seats 7-8. We are on the right field side of the stadium, between first base and the right field wall.
7:21 pm The infield tarp is taken off.
8:03 pm Game 6 begins.
9:51 pm Boston leads 4-0 after four full innings, thanks to Belhorn's homerun that was finally called correctly. The first taste of the umpires missing a call.
11:21 pm The 8th inning ends after the Yankees score one run. It might have been more if the umpires had stuck with their missed call of A-Rod's swatting of the ball from Arroyo. I thought it looked like he'd done that, but there were about 56,000 other people who thought otherwise. The field got littered with baseballs, cups, beer, spit, and who knows what else. Police in riot gear were called in by a Major League official to guard the walls along the right and left field lines. The public announcer come over the speakers a couple of times asking for better behavior, but that wasn't received too well. That was followed by many unpublishable chants.

Wednesday, October 20
12:10 am Boston wins 4-2. It takes us an hour to get out of the stadium and to the subway.
2:00 am Dad and I eat at Howard Johnson's, a restaurant in Times Square. We spend the evening there and at the 24 hour McDonald's across the street. Yes, we stayed up all night in Times Square. Good times.
4:45 am We catch a cab to Laguardia. Khan, a Pakistani man, is our driver. We had a good time talking with him about cricket and the talk of the Red Sox/Yankees series being fixed.
7:21 am My flight to DFW departs NYC. I sleep the whole way back.
12:01 pm (Central Time) Touch down in San Antonio. What a spectacular memory.

Themes

One of the things I love most about my job is getting to serve on the planning team for our summer camps, Zenith and Cornerstone. Several times a year, we meet online in a chat-room-type setting and brainstorm ideas for camp, from theme to classes to activities and the like. Next week, we're having one of our two in-person meetings, and this will be the first one to be in San Antonio. In preparation for that, we are trying to settle on a theme for each camp before we get together to plan out further details. One of the unfortunate things about getting a bunch of people together (not necessarily youth ministers, but we fit this pretty well) is lack of production when a central idea is not yet stated. (Actually, we find ways to not be productive whether there's a theme or not...) Getting to that central idea can be a rather lengthy adventure, especially for a bunch of guys who don't get to see each other often and relish the opportunity to be creatively distracting.

We need an outlet like that. And our time together allows for it to occur. Next Thursday should be a lot of fun, getting to meet with fellow ministers I see for a couple of intense weeks each summer, catch up and share ideas of what we're doing to share Jesus with teens, lay the ground work for the summer camps, and share a meal at Alamo Cafe -- how can that not be great? My prayer is for us to be used by God to share his message in an impactful way; may he lead us as we serve.


Yes, I did stay up watching the Red Sox/Yankees game last night. And I'll be home watching Game 5 as soon as I leave the office. Dad and I decided we're going to make the trip whether there's a Game 6 or not. I may be more nervous about this game than I was during the Braves/Astros series; I guess that happens when you're hoping the risk you took doesn't fall through. I arrive in NYC at 1:00 tomorrow and Dad gets in at 1:30. I think we'll head to the Metropolitan Museum of Art or Ground Zero, depending on the weather. After spending time at one of those places, hopefully we'll make our way to Yankee Stadium for Game 6 of the ALCS! Excitement whatever happens. I hope to have some pictures posted Thursday of our little adventure -- til then... go Sox!

A bit nervous

The Yankees are up 2-0 on the Red Sox, and even though the series is headed to Boston this weekend, I'm nervous and apprehensive about the outcome, especially since I won't be able to watch the games (I'm going on our Family Retreat this weekend to the beautiful HEB Camp in the Hill Country). I won't even be able to check the scores on my phone since it will be out of range. Oh well, I keep telling myself it's going to be fine either way. If there's not a game, it's not like New York City is a bad place to be with time to burn. I think I could probably spend at least half of a week in the Metropolitan Museum of Art (and even that may be an understatement). Other places I'd like to go and spend significant time at (not in any order): the Brooklyn Tabernacle, Ground Zero, a taping of Letterman, Yankee Stadium for a tour, Grand Central Station, the Village, Central Park, and a host of Broadway shows.

Right now, Boston just needs to take two of three on their home field, which is very possible. A sweep would be even better (so I could watch them clinch Game 6!)

The Brave

I am the Atlanta Braves.

For the most part, this is a good thing. Except this time of year. Since 1999, their season, though stretched into early October, abruptly ends before the World Series begins. For thirteen consecutive seasons they have made the playoffs. I find that sensational, and as a Braves fan, believe them to be one of the greatest organizations and teams in sports history. Things like that don't happen often. One would speculate that with all that winning and getting into the playoffs, they'd be considered a great success. Unfortunately, success is measured by most (especially those commentators on ESPN and the like) in World Series victories, making the Yankees the team of the '90s instead of my Braves. For the most part, I can live with that. I know in my heart that what the Braves have done is unprecedented and unmatched in professional sports. And I believe, regardless of what others say, they shold be considered winners instead of failures, successful instead of chokers, and exceptional instead of flukes.

But even though I know and believe that about them, they still break my heart each October. No matter how highly I regard them or how great I think they are, I still get hurt from the disappointing end to their season. And that's why I think I could be considered the Atlanta Braves of life. (Please note: I enjoy self-deprecating humor and I'm not always as serious and mature as people believe me to be.) I've got a lot going for me. I think it would be justifiable to say I've won thirteen division titles in my few years, as far as life goes, though I'm not sure what exactly they'd symbolize. But I'm a winner. I'm consistent and can be counted on to finish in first. Whether I'm the favorite or an underdog, at the end of the season, I'll usually come out at the top of the field. But when after the playoffs are finished, I'm left disappointed without a World Series title.

I'm not trying to garner sympathy or pick-me-up emails. That's not what this is about. I know what most of those would say anyway. And thank you for considering that, by the way. I know that the division titles in my life, whatever they may be, are not anything to throw to the pigs. I have joy; I have a godly attitude; my heart belongs to Christ and He's my center. But that doesn't mean I'm protected from hurts and disappointments. Whether I should or not, I feel that I've not won the big one; that, even though I'm going to be in contention year after year, I'm not going to finish holding the World Series trophy. As I journaled last night after watching the Braves lose Game 5 to the Astros, I couldn't help but think that the disappointment I felt could just as easily be for me as it was for them.

I do know this, though. Even though the Braves may never get the respect they deserve or win as many World Series as I'd like, my path is different. I will be victorious (fully joining God after this life). I am victorious (joining Him now in His kingdom work in this world). I don't believe this life to be about the end-season result. My goal and desire for this life is not "to get to heaven and get as many others there with me as I can." That goal is out of my hands; by the grace of God that's His promise will happen -- not "that will happen in a wishful, hopeful sense, but that will happen, no doubt about it). My goal and focus, rather, is to use my God-given abilities to break His kingdom, rule, and way of living into this world as He leads me. Salvation occurs everyday as my life is taken away from the rule, or control, of my flesh and put under the control and guidance of the Spirit. Being saved from my sins is not primarily an end-game joy ("Yeah! I'm saved from my sins and I'm not going to hell!"); being saved from my sins has immediate ramifications for my life -- maybe more importantly, for the lives of those around me -- here and now ("Yeah! I'm saved from the control my sins have on me in this life so I can more fully display His kingdom rule in my life day to day!"). And I look forward with confidence to the playoffs at the end of the season because I know the end of The Story -- God wins! God wins! God wins!

It's good to be the Atlanta Braves.

Skydiving

My brother and I had a conversation a few years ago in which he told me about a couple of lists he had made. One could call them "To Do" lists, I guess, but these were a little dreamier than typical To Do Lists. Some of his items were to visit each state by age 30, meet a new family in each state, go to different sporting events (World Series, NFL Playoffs, etc), write a book, and so many others I can't recall. That conversation got my me thinking about things I'd like to do as well.

I found out about a place in San Marcos, a short 45 minute drive north of San Antonio, that offers skydiving and I almost went by myself mid-September. I decided I'd run it by a few friends to see if they'd been interested in joining me, so we've been talking about it the past few weeks and, right now, there are four of us planning on jumping out of a plane from 13,000 feet at the end of Octorber (we'll be paired with instructors, thankfully). This is one of the items on my To Do List. It seems like a good thrill-seeking, adventurous, once-in-a-lifetime type of thing, but I don't think it's as risky as what I did an hour ago this morning.

Though there is no guarantee of Game 6 occuring at this time, I've got two tickets to Red Sox vs. Yankees for Oct. 19 at 8:00 pm (EST) at Yankee Stadium. I also purchased an airline ticket to New York, which is non-refundable (I think I can get a refund on the tickets if Game 6 is not played...but I'm not sure). I also got a ticket for my Dad to fly up and meet me in New York for the game, or for a day in the Big Apple if there is no game. I don't believe spontaneous would be one of the first descriptors family and friends would give me, but apparently I'm trying to gain that monicker. This whole thing has been extremely exciting so far; I hope I won't agonize too much over each game when series starts tomorrow night. (I also hope that I didn't get fake tickets...) But, regardless of whether or not there is a Game 6, it will be a blast to spend a day in NYC with Dad.

This is one of the things that really makes me feel alive: taking a chance/risk, putting something on the line. Other things that make me feel alive: walking out my door to a cool, crisp morning; driving with the windows down in the fall; playing soccer, basketball, or frisbee; teaching at summer camp; singing; getting fired up in a conversation about the kingdom; buying tickets to a game that may not even be played.

Many of our churches have gotten the "dead to the world" part of scripture down pretty well. What about being alive in and for Christ?

Random Saturday thoughts

It's a big day if you're a sports fan: Braves/Astros, Oklahoma/Texas, Cal/USC, Tennessee/Georgia, LSU/Florida, Cardinals/Dodgers, Yankees/Twins...lots of big games with tons of emotion surrounding each. I had thought of driving to Houston this morning to watch the Braves game, but seriously reconsidered after the Astros killed them in Game 1 -- I know, I'm a great fan. After the great Game 2, I figured it was too late to get tickets. And after traveling the past two weekends, it will be nice to watch from my couch...

Another factor was that I didn't get in last night until after midnight. That was because I was babysitting. Yep, babysitting. As a thank-you to one of the couples that was a tremendous help to the Children and Youth ministries this summer, Tina (our children's minister), her family, and I gave them a night out without their four kids -- a third grader, first grader, three-year old, and one-year old. We played video games, went to the neighborhood playground, watched Strawberry Shortcake and Barbie movies, they put on a couple of plays, and I got to be the Tickle Monster. Not only was it great to give Bob and Dena a night out, I really enjoyed playing with their kids. I was worn out at the end of the evening; I can't imagine what it's like full-time...

Never been unloved

I've been many things...undesirable, unwise, uneasy, unexceptional...but I've never been unloved. I've been listening to Michael W. Smith's "Never Been Unloved" a lot this week. I used it in our staff devotional Tuesday and I'm going to share it as a communion meditation this Sunday. It's been a wonderful reminder to me that whatever "un-" I've been, unloved is not one of them.

I'm blessed with great parents who constantly remind me of that, as well as siblings who do the same. I meet with a group of men each Friday morning for prayer and study who remind me as well. My shepherds at church make it a point to tell me that. And sometimes some of the teens and parents in my ministry will encourage me in the same way, too. I guess we're made like that; no matter how much we know we're loved, we need to be told. Over and over again. Which makes communion each Sunday so special:

But even I can see the sacrifice you made for me,
To show me I have never been unloved.
It's because of you and all that you went through,
I know that I have never been unloved.

Welcome

I've been reading the blogs of Brandon Scott Thomas and Mike Cope for the past few weeks through the Zoe website and wanted to post a comment, which necessitated me getting an account, which set me up with a blog of my own. So, welcome to the beginning.

I've been very reflective this past week since returning from the Zoe Conference in Nashville. Brian McLaren was one of the keynote speakers and filled my mind and heart with many thoughts, ideas, challenges, and information. These ideas and thoughts have left me a bit fearful of the what's to come for churches of Christ in the next 50 years -- are we going to be relevant? Will we be a place our teens, children, their children, etc. can meetJesus and learn how to be a follower of His? Or will we continue in our country club mentality, where we place membership after checking out the goods, ways of doing things, and agree that it's a "right fit" for us -- and then leave if things get changed up and membership rules change, or a certain type of person is now accepted? When will we become a hospital, a vehicle for God's Spirit to heal, instead of a luxurious clubhouse where we feel good about the way we do things (because we do them right)?

I'm a bit scared for the teens I work with because I don't know if the church they are growing up in will be the community they need as they grow, develop, and mature in Christ. I hope it won't be a"place." Too long have we made the church a place -- instead of a community of believers seeking transformation. I hope we will be an organic community instead of an institution. I hope we will transform into a the loving community I see in Acts. Not that we'll become the church of the 1st century, but that we'll be the church of the 21st century, whatever that means we look like.

So welcome to the dialogue. Thanks for stopping by...